Blog,  Jummah Reflections

Is it too early to review 2019? I hate her

solitude is a cure, nature is what makes the process sweet

I ain’t gon lie to you, my friend, 2019 was by far the worst year of my life. I’ve experienced dark times over the last couple of years but I’ve had things happen in 2019 that never in a million years I thought would happen, subhanallah. But I’m still up in this hoe haaaaaaaa so I guess there’s work to be done.

To survive this world you need to have a care package for dark times. I learned I need to know how to take care of myself when a storm hits, for its arrival is inevitable. And it’s wrong to numb/distract yourself because that comes at a price. Have you ever seen people who numb themselves being successful in life and being at peace internally? Different groups have different outcomes, and I don’t want their outcome. I need #blessings, #peace, & #money.

So I said to myself, there needs to be a healthy way- a way to cope with bad times that does not compromise my future, nor my relationship with God. And though this question started against my will, by the end I was determined. This world is a test & I’m not the type to fail at things, sweetie. So jot that down.

So that’s what I mean by this title. Finaaaaaaaally I’ve learned, through trial and error, (emphasis on that)how to take care of Hurt Asli (she’s so fragile I love her). It’s a process finding a healthy coping mechanism, and though I’m not perfect, I’ve grown 1000x better. I think the key was deciding to forgive myself everytime I pick the wrong way to cope with the pain. And it was actually at the mercy of Allah that certain options were physically removed from my life (like toxic people). It caused me to keep trying to find something solid to rely on.

It’s a proccess, sometimes you find something to rely on and you think, “ok this works” but another storm comes and it doesn’t hold up. It’s like the 3 little pigs making a house to keep away the wolf. One piggy thought the paper house was enough, it wasn’t. Then they tried sticks, it was better, but it eventually collapsed, then finally they made a brick house & it worked. It’s so important that you don’t give up on yourself, you deserve better. Find your brick house and the bad times gets easier trust me. The mind is a muscle, the more you train it the stronger it gets.

Everyone is different, I learned Hurt Asli & I need to sit alone, somewhere beautiful, and remind ourselves of the things that matter to us. I write, or bring a friend, or simply just cry. Maybe all 3 if I’m feeling spicy.

But ultimately my brick house is Allah. He is Al-Aziz: the All-Powerful, Al-Wadud:The Ever Loving. He is Al Sami’: the All hearing.

He Knows my heart, my journey, and even when I feel alone, He is Accompanying me on my journey. And what more beautiful of a choice to rely on than the One Who Created you?

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