Trusting Allah’s timing can be very painful, I’ve learnt not worry — my Jummah reflection

• Photo not mine

One thing I realized about this dunya: pain is unavoidable. If you are not tested in delay of something, you will be tested once you have it. If you are not tested once you have it, you will be tested by the loss of it. You maybe tested with all 3, with 2/3, but just know it will come. It is not something to fear, though, it will only be for a period of time. And it won’t happen with every part of your life. 

Also, lets remember this world is only a step on the path, it doesnt hold it so much weight.

Tests have a way of sending us to shock, confusion, anger, loss of hope. For me, I learned that the first step in dealing with a test is that it’s best to allow myself to go through the natural course of emotions & not fight it. Letting myself accept the feeling allows me to accept the reality of the situation, and from there (maybe even a week later) I can work towards finding the answer or solution. But waiting for an answer or relief to come can be very painful.

The Wondering 

I think the pain of being tested with delay is the wondering: Am I ever going to find relief?

I’m always asking, “am I doing something wrong?” “Did I make a mistake somewhere along the path?” “Is Allah mad at me?” “Am I not doing the right thing?” 

I look back now and I think there was a problem somewhere in my Aqeedah, and my understanding of Who Allah is and how He operates. I think with this it’s very important to understand the prophets dealt with the same thing. The prophets— the ones who spoke to Allah. Who were guaranteed paradise, they still felt uncomfortable in the delay: 

When the Prophet (saaw) began receiving revelation regularly, there was an interval. There was a long time in which [he] did not receive any revelation and this worried him, that perhaps he had done something because of which Allah was angry with him so Allah had decided to discontinue [the revelation]. So he’s comforted over here [surah ad-duha] that no, this is not the reason

Tasfir of surah ad duha, page 56
(remember to send salaam upon the prophet (saaw), he went through a lot subhanallah)

This shows it is really natural for us to doubt ourselves and what’s going on. When that happens I try to focus on the stuff I do know:

• Allah knows I’m trying my best, even if my knowledge is limited 
• He knows how much I want and need this 
• He hears every cry 

Also, Allah is very, very, very Kind. It’s not just what is best for you being taken to account, but your own personal wants. He Knows what are hearts are leaning towards. So I’m trying to teach myself just have trust in the One Who knows my situation better than me.

Time is apart of the recipie 

This is such an important concept I’ve been trying to remind myself of. If success is a cake, and you have a bunch of ingredients like skill, resources, effort, and education— time, no matter what you’re cooking, is always an ingredient. 

So It doesn’t matter how much portions of skill and effort you have. It doesn’t matter how forceful you mix them together. You need time as an ingredient. I see some people trying to skip over time or replace it with some sort of steroids & I assure you that cake is not the same. It’s painful, but we have to wait.

Moreover, trust your gut. No one knows your life better than you do, if you have a vision for yourself, you just have to believe it will happen. If you’re being tested with delay too, I think we learn to not only trust Allah, but trust ourselves too.

Where I stand 

I’m not gonna lie to you, my friend, I think I have been dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil for the last 4 years of my life. There’s not one side of my life I feel like hasn’t flipped upside down- from career to family to social life. I don’t regret anything as it has allowed me to truly start developing a relationship with Allah, allhamdulilah, but at the same time I have moments where I wonder about my mistakes. Because I’m such an impulsive person I think I make twice as much mistakes as the average person. I know mistakes are unavoidable, but I tend to wonder how much my actions play a role in my bad outcomes. I’m really trying to kind of be zen about everything and just try my best. I like this quote:

“That’s why it’s called belief in the unseen. It’s not just Allah in the unseen, sometimes it’s Allah’s mercy in the unseen, sometimes Allahs plan is in the unseen” 

Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan

Who knows, maybe the mistake I thought was the end of the world really is what saved me & will get me to what I want. “Let go and Let God” as they say.

What would you like me to talk about next Friday? What are you’re thoughts on being testing in life? Have you been dealing with a test? How has it been for you? Comment below, who knows you could help someone reading this out 

 (or you can email me aslihersipoetry@gmail.com) 

“you must stop your fingers from grabbing the water when the river, much like your fate, leads its own way.”

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