I feel like I betray my art too much. A thought
I think it’s so funny that artists seem to be their own worst enemy. The process of creating art is suppose to be a place of freedom, but it’s easy to get caught up and trip over your own feet. Especially if you’re trying to make a certain vision come true.
For me, because I’ve just started my journey, one my biggest blockages on a personal level, has been the old version of me. It’s really a struggle trying to tug misconceptions or past versions of yourself out of people’s hands. I’d love to be more daring and take more risks, I want to be more weirder and show more of my art, but I begin to hesitate when I get hyper-aware that people in my life are watching. I start to wonder, “do they think I’m being someone I’m not?”
I’m trying to remind myself change is inevitable
Sometimes people get use to seeing you in one way and it’s easy to want to fall in line to that. But we are all constantly growing- our interests change, our priorities shift, I shouldn’t hold myself back to preserve parts of me that don’t exist anymore. Otherwise I’m carrying too much dead weight.
I feel like I betray my art when I get like this because I’m not really rallying behind it as much as I should. Shouldn’t I be defending it more? Promoting it more? Why should I wait for others to compliment, or be okay with it, for me to re-see its beauty? It’s frustrating.
Another thing I’ve really been learning recently is how different everything looks in execution. I was writing for about 2 years before I started the process of sharing my work and boy, was I wrong about a lot of things. Everything looks different under this light. It’s kind of like when expecting parents are reading all these parenting books and buying everything baby related, but when the baby arrives, it all goes out the window. I’m realizing there’s a lot of things I thought I would want but I don’t, and there’s a lot of things I thought I didn’t want that I do. I’m learning what it means to make mistakes, and re-fining my skills. I have a lot to learn to get to where I want to be.
If you’re someone whose currently figuring everything out, I really recommend you get started on sharing your work as soon as possible because that’s where the real learning is. There’s a lot of personal development that happens and I’m sure you’ll be surprised by how much growing you need to do. Everyone’s journey is different.
You don’t have to “make it” to make it
I know the earth is listening & there’s so much beauty in making things, I’m really grateful for being able to spend time with my work, but I can’t help but want my book to be out and feel heard. I’m trying to let these kinds of thoughts go as I don’t want my personal feelings to override my present. What’s meant to be will come, in the mean time I want to be in love with life.
It’s been so important for me to remember putting thing out to the world, in itself, is a blessing.
What do you think? Where are you on your creative journey? What has been your struggles? Let me know in the replies, (or feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org)